The Buoy at Virginia Beach. . .Summer 1976

As the Navigator Summer Training Program at King's Dominion in Virginia drew to a close in August of 1976, the TP director, Mike Baldner, gathered the 80 of us together one last time to encourage and exhort us. His words and the events of the next few days have been a significant lesson and constant reminder in my life ever since.

Mike's parting words to us were powerful. Words to 80 committed young collegiate Christians who had set aside and spent 10 weeks of their summer to learn of the lordship of Christ and the cost of discipleship. To this group, he said quite simply that in 10 years, more than likely, only 20 to 25% of us would still be walking with God and counting the cost. But, he said, it would not be the major issues in life. . .but it would be the LITTLE things that would cause us to drift away.

His words made me think. . .and then I tucked his words away and headed out with the rest of my teammates for one last fun weekend together before we went our separate ways. . .back to college and our lives. . .unaware, at that point, that God had a real life illustration in store for me that would permanently engrave Mike's words in my heart and mind.

On Saturday, Linda, Fran, Mary and I went to Virginia Beach. We decided to just sit in the shallow surf and talk. When we first sat down, I noticed a buoy directly behind us. . .about 50 to 100 yards out in the water. We sat and talked for a while, with the waves lapping at us as we talked about the summer and the fall term that awaited us all. After about 30 minutes, I happened to glance back at the water. To my amazement, the buoy was no longer directly behind us, but way off to one side of where we were! I realized that the buoy had not moved, WE HAD. . .and we were not even aware of it!

Mike's words came rushing back very vividly. . ."It won't be the big things in life, but the little things that will draw you away from walking with God." . .the small compromises that we are often not even aware that we are making and pretty soon we stop to look and there is this great distance between us and God. It was scary how subtly and unknowingly we had drifted down the beach without being aware that we were even moving!

It was a visual image and a life lesson that I never want to forget. . .nor do I think I ever will. . . not only for the specific lesson here. . .but to be reminded to always look for God's lessons in everyday life. . .whether it be mundane or marvelous!

What Lies Within Us. . .an Open Letter to the Bolick Girls

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies WITHIN us."

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is just the beginning for you. All of life spreads out before you. NOW is the time to get some things in place. Your standards, your convictions, your values. . .the things you will take a stand on and not waver from. Up to this point, much of life has been living under and obeying our standards & values. . .and you have done well because, especially you, Sarah are a people pleaser.

As you venture more and more on your own, there will be many many things that will woo you. . .you will have to make choices about life and the people you choose to do life with. . .the people you will align yourself with. Those decisions will be yours to make. Set your standards NOW so you will not be confused later regarding the right thing to do when the challenges and storms of life come.

Always know that there is so much more to a successful life than finding a career, making a living or marrying the right person. A life well lived has to do with CHARACTER. Your character is who you are when no one is looking. Your commitment to honesty & integrity, being a servant, living with purpose, looking beyond your own needs, being responsible and striving to live for good and for God are only a few. Take the time now to formulate your core values. We have attempted to pass on those that we ourselves are convinced of and strive to live by. . .you are welcome to them. . .but it is time they become your own.

I need to find one of the old journals I had when you were a baby. There is one entry that I remember writing one night while I was watching you sleep in your nursery. 18+ years later I still feel the same.

I also am going to resurrect a story I wrote when I was in college after a summer training program I attended with the Navigators. . .and post it here. Over the years, it has continued to be an anchor point for me. Stay tuned!

these small hours

I heard this song by Rob Thomas yesterday while I was driving Sarah to Sherman. She had to finish filling out paperwork for her new job. (Her job as a layout artist for 3 small newspapers in Anna, Melissa and Prosper.) While I prefer the term "hand of God" over that of "fate". . the song still nevertheless resonated with me. Maybe because I see that what we have left with Sarah are "moments". Glimpses, small snippets of life as she continues rapidly down the path toward independence and her own life. So I find myself looking for opportunities like yesterday.

It's funny. . .more sad actually. . .that while we have been investing and building into her life. . .she has been becoming an adult. . who's natural path is to grow up and go off on her own. My driving her to Sherman yesterday was a small attempt to spend as much time with her as I can. To capitalize on the times when she still needs me and wants to spend time together.

It has totally taken me by surprise that I am this person. Someone who feels like she has a vice grip on her heart when she thinks on these things for too long. When the girls were young, I was the one who was ready for the next stage each step of the way. That came to a screeching halt the summer of 2009. . .the summer before Sarah's senior year. All of a sudden, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Our time with Sarah was flying by and there was no way to make it slow down.

I have wondered if what makes it especially hard is the fact that Sarah will be the only one who will take wing. Jeff, Hannah and I will, more than likely, always be a nucleus. The only one from our family unit who will move away will be Sarah. Gosh, that brings tears to my eyes just typing it. This has been much harder than I ever anticipated it would be.

A lyric in the song says, "Don't you know? The hardest part is over." I don't know. The "work" of raising her is over. We have taught, guided, prayed, modeled, dialogued for 18 years. . .she's "gotten" what she is going to get. The rest is up to her. . .and what she will do with it. Not that we won't always be here for her and, hopefully, always be able to be a trusted part of her world. While the raising was hard work. . .it is almost, for me, just as hard to have to just stand by and let her be. . .let her go. . let her make her choices. . .let her walk away. . .let her not NEED me anymore. Maybe that is the source of the pain. To not be needed. To have spent a lifetime being such an integral part of their lives. . .and then to find yourself out of a job. . .simply NOT needed.

I realize that is not the way to put it or to think about it. In reality, it means that we HAVE done our job. She, little bit by little bit, is READY to handle life on her own. I KNOW in my head that that is a GOOD thing. . .there is just a large part of my HEART that wants to hold on. . . that will always see her and her little blond bob, ready at any time to snuggle, always either with a sketchbook in her hands or running off to play make-believe.